It is the polyester ribbons that let you know you have arrived. Yet their bright and shiny colors offer you no clue as to where you truly stand, or where you travel from this-here point. That is what winning is like. It leaves you with the inevitable question, “Now what?”, along with the hope that someone else will supply you with the answer in the near future; sooner-rather-than-later, now-would-be-good. Of course the answer to “Now what?” IS “You’ll just have to make something better!” And it all goes to hell from there.
Not that a trip to the deep, dark abode of success is all bad. I have had some incredible things happen since the summer, starting with having my now award-winning scarves AND pillows displayed in Mara’s Shoes and Accessories in downtown Novato http://marashoesandfashion.com. Great first step, I am all for movement forward.
Lady Luck has also had a say, for the day after I put my scarves in Mara’s, another shop called me and requested my hand drawn Onesies. This shop, Ella Bunbee, also in downtown Novato, http://ellabunbee.com/index.html, sells children’s clothing, including handmade clothing from local artists, like me. What better place for hand drawn, art-to-wear Onesies? Now the pressure is on to make more, gosh dern-it. Actually, truth is… I am kinda lovin’ it….feel a little guilty sittin’ and drawin’, sometimes art really is getting to play with your crayons.
I also cleared some personal hurdles by winning Best of Show at Marin county fair with the nuno-felted, mosaic wrap shown below; it only took eight years to get there. Things went stunningly at the state level as well, two-first prizes, and some other awards, but it wasn’t Best of Show. I want that golden bear (GO BEARS!!!!!) I can’t pin a golden bear to my wall like a ribbon, it will just have to go some place special (like under my pillow) when I finally earn it.
From this point on though, I’ll just have to do better, but what? What the heck am I supposed to do with all these things I create? Sometimes, well often, I honestly have nooo idea. Seems it should be enough that I have made something fine, like the supercoil. Yes, you can actually hear me pouting…
Yah, well, nothing can induce a big, blank, empty and impassive obstacle in your mind faster than needing to craft something better-smoother-tighter-softer than what came before. This proclivity to hesitate in the face of the demands of the future is either the worst part, or the best part of being a creative. Either way, all hail the search for inspiration, my favorite part. It’s the cure that’s better than the disease, AND drinking is acceptable.
Why is this cure better than the disease? Because it means I shall have to be indulgent, especially of whims, quelle horreur!! Who knows what thing, what scent, which breeze, what flash of color becomes what…when and how. So I have to be open to all of it and go where the drifts push me; I am one of the willing, The Fates need not drag me by the hair, although lately that seems to be their modus operandi.
Besides, who knows how this-
becomes that.
Or that-
becomes this.
I just know I have to be there for it, open, receptive, nonjudgemental, and aware. That takes practice, discipline, and sin.
Mebbe…..dunnnooooo….but I might be a little obsessive. Recently I ran out of memory on my Mac, something about terabytes…..Turns out my desperate attempts to ‘do better’ drove me to photograph and rephotograph my subjects over and over, it has to be perfect or I am not satisfied. That slant in my temperament is wild mojo gone awry, and it just might do me in, but when properly contained and redirected, well, it leads to happiness and some small success. It is a heady combo.
So I hear it now, that crack o’de whip, and I am filled with the overwhelming desire to leave someone in the dust…..On that note, I offer up to you a 30 second version of a time-lapse video of my incessant re-doing along the path to perfection. If only I would embrace the wise words of Madame Van Der Kelen (http://vanderkelen.com/gb/information/) more often than I do, “The enemy of Good is Better.” Until next time!!!!
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